The spitting incident

When we were in Sao Paulo we visited a pizzaria. I ordered a ‘chic’ pizza which came in a metal tray to keep it warm. The waiter neatly picked up a slice using two forks and closed the lid on the remaining three. All good so far; the pizza was good, Jemma was enjoying her meal, we complimented the food and we were glad we had came. Then disaster struck.

I decided I would like to continue my excellent meal with a second slice of pizza. So, holding the metal tray in one hand, I attempted to copy the waiter and lift a slice of pizza with the two forks. This proved more difficult than I had anticipated, as it was a delicate juggling act to lift the pizza while freeing it from it’s stringy cheese moorings. Why had I even tried I ask you!??! But instead of accepting defeat like a sensible human being and dropping the forks, I opted to drop the lid of the metal tray on the pizza with my hand still in it, while refusing to let go of the slice.

At this moment a waiter, who had no doubt seen my ungraceful floundering from across the room, came to assist. He took the metal dish from my hand, and easily passed me my desired slice of pizza, replaced the dish and smiling in one slick move. Right then I could have closed the situation with a shred of dignity by laughing, apologising and we could have parted ways on good terms. Sadly it wasn’t to be.

As he smiled I rushed to say thank you, but instead of words, a sizeable chunk of ham flew out of mouth and across the table. We all saw the ham. It was a big healthy chunk of pink solids that was unmistakeably of the dead pig variety. The waiter pretended not to see it. Jemma laughed with sheer glee, and I, I was so embarrassed I said nothing. I just stared straight ahead, hoping, that if I kept staring, this would all go away…

* * *

There are many other stories and incidents to update on since my last post… we´ve said tchau to Brazil after three weeks and hola to Argentina, land of steak, red wine and the wilds of Patagonia… but this will have to wait until the next rainy day in South America…

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